Thank you for your time in reading. It means so much.
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Terry and I had now started dating, officially. I no longer tried to be just friends. I was no longer placing an invisible barrier around my heart. I had given it to him, at least in part, and I was now vulnerable. To break up now would be very difficult. It would be an “emotional divorce”, just like my break up with Mike had been. It was all or nothing for me, now. I was proud for everyone to know that we were a couple. Everyone seemed happy for us. A few folks had their doubts about Terry. Would he remain faithful to the Lord? Was he sincere, or just using me? They’re doubts were understandable. After all, it was now June. That meant that only six months earlier Terry had stood before our church to apologize for living a life that was not Christ like. He had been known to date girls and then dump them as a teenager. I knew this because I had known him as a teen. Well, I knew more of his reputation than I knew of him. But, wasn’t it the same thing? Was I so naïve to believe that in such a short time he had developed new habits and knew ideas? I knew it was a risk, but loving anyone is a risk. A man that has never even dated a girl before has the potential to do wrong to her. A man is, after all, still just flesh and bone. I suppose that life is mostly a series of calculated risks. With the Lord leading us, however, the percentages for success go way up! I had my parents' and my pastor's blessing on our relationship. But what was even better, was that I had found peace from the Lord myself, on my own. I had read my Bible and prayed and I found peace.
I cannot fully describe to you how I felt about Terry. It was so much more than just good chemistry. It was more than that “mushy” feeling you get in your stomach when a handsome guy comes along. It was a feeling of peace and security that I had never felt with anyone outside of my own family before. Perhaps some of this was due in part to the fact that I had done a lot of soul searching and decision making in the seven months after I ended things with Mike. I had decided that I would be single, if that was what God wanted for me. I suppose I hadn’t surrendered myself to that possibility until then. I had always had the very immature assumption that a Christian lady could not be happy unless she married. My eyes had been opened to the reality of what a poor relationship would be like by my experience with Mike. I realized that a life as a single lady would be far better than life in a bad marriage. As the days and weeks and months came between me and that final moment with Mike, the more relieved I felt. I found myself feeling like someone who swerved at the last minute to avoid a head-on collision. There I sat, parked in the median of my life, shaking and breathless. I was in total shock and amazement. Since that moment, I had day dreamed about what my life with Mike would have looked like – I shudder to even think of it now. I would describe for you what type of person Mike has since become, but there is no good in that. Let’s just say that my very best Friend came through for me, as always. I am even more thankful today than I ever was then. I wasn’t going to “settle” again. Terry was so very different than any guy I had known. He was so confident in his choices. He had walked on the wild side and had suffered for it. He had a family that was firmly grounded in the Bible, whereas Mike did not. Terry also had some great men of God who had been praying for him during those turbulent teen years - Dr. Ken Graham (my pastor) and Bro. Tim Green, to name two. He’d also had to work and pray very hard to even get my attention. In my heart, I thought that counted for something.
Terry, once again, was leaving flowers and notes on my car. He called me often, too. The notes and calls were not as frequent. That was good for both of us. We both needed some breathing room. Terry had stayed in our college dorm during the entire month of June. Many folks, including his parents, were expecting him to go home, to Indiana, where his Dad was pastoring.
“So, you’re not going home for the summer?” I asked him one balmy June night.
“Nope, I’m stayin’ here.” He replied.
“Why? Aren’t you sick of living in that terrible dorm? It doesn’t even have a window! And you’ve had to do so much work on it! Didn’t you install your own lavatory?”
“Yeah, but it’s not so bad, especially now that everyone else has gone home for the summer. I don’t care what it’s like. I’m staying here for you. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t leaving without you.” He said.
At that moment, my heart lept inside of me and I turned to mush. But I didn't dare let him see that!
“You sure are determined, aren’t you?” I said with a laugh, trying to hide the fact that my knees were about to buckle. He looked at me so intently. It felt as though he could read my mind. I seemed to always be blushing when he was around. He still enjoyed getting my back up, by saying something that he knew would light a fire in me, but it was okay. I realized now that it was all in good fun. I had also decided that if I couldn’t laugh at myself, then who could I laugh at?
“Well, I am honored that you would stay here, in Arkansas, just for me, but I’m leaving in a few months for college.” The words hung in the air. Suddenly, our time together seemed shrouded in sadness. The thought of being away from him – even though we’d only even been friends for six months – seemed 100 times worse than the thought of being away from Mike had been. How would I manage? I wondered if he would find someone else, or if I would. I was actually more afraid of the latter. Since meeting Terry, I felt pretty. I was more sure of myself. I no longer felt the need to apologize for breathing. I had gained a confidence that I had longed for my entire teenage life. I'm not sure if it was my relationship with Terry that changed me, or having to trust God through heartbreak that made the difference. Perhaps it was both.
After a long silence, Terry smiled. He gave me a wink and said, “Well, I’m praying about that.”
“Really?” I said with a smile “Well then I guess I don’t need to worry.” We both laughed and once again forgot the inevitable separation that loomed ahead.
Terry and I dated every week that summer, sometimes more than once a week, but always chaperoned. We discussed life, ministry, family and the future. He continued writing me, calling me and giving me small tokens of his ever growing admiration.
I decided it was now time to return his affection. I had planned to tell him that I loved him sometime when he would least expect it. I didn’t want him to think it was a response to his love for me, but a decision that I had made on my own. On July 31, as we sat across from each other at our local church hang out – Taco Bell- I looked at him and said “Terry,” He looked into my eyes. That always gave me pause. Maybe he will just be able to read my mind? I thought.
“Terry,” I began again, “I love you.”
He smiled, letting the words sink in.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that! You do? Really?” He asked me, beaming.
“Yes, really. I wanted to pick the right time to tell you.”
“Valerie, you've made me so happy. I love you, too.”
Soon, August was upon us. Four short weeks before the new school year began there in Arkansas and in Indiana, where I would be going. If I didn’t want to leave before I met Terry, I sure didn’t want to leave now that I'd decided to love him! If I did leave, I wanted to leave as Mrs. Terry Basham, II and be going with Terry Basham, II! But, I had given Dad my word. My Grandfather had taught me that a lady is only as good as her word. I would go.
I had my application and references for college ready. I had gotten my physical. I had done everything but pack and pay! Things were moving toward moving day. Then, all at once, everything changed. Due to a chain of events that I will not go into, my Dad came to me one afternoon in early August and told me that I was not going to that particular college. This college where my brother and sister attended is still loved by my family. My Dad just felt that the Lord did not want me to go there. God’s plan is very specific for each one of us. Through the authority of my parents, I found that God did not want me to attend this school. I was so happy! I had told my Dad that unless he told me not to go to college, I would be going. Once again, I have only appreciated this decision more and more as the days have passed. I have taken the path that the Lord wanted me to take. I once heard my Pastor tell us that David prayed for a “plain path” from the Lord (Psalm 27:11). He didn’t ask for an easy path or a fun path, but a plain or clear path. I, too, have prayed that prayer many times since hearing that sermon. God has truly answered my prayer. He has always made clear the path I should take.
I could hardly contain my joy! I wasn’t in the habit of calling boys, even one whom I was dating, so I didn’t call Terry to tell him. The next day was Sunday. I would tell him before I left on the bus route.
As soon as I saw him, I ran over, my face beaming with joy. I couldn’t smile big enough!
“Terry, guess what!” I said. It looked as though it was still early for him. I don’t think he’d had his coffee yet.
“What?” He asked.
“I’m not going to college!” I exclaimed. “My Dad told me yesterday that I’m not going!” I told him the story.
“Can you believe it?”
“No, I can’t.” He said. “I feel like my heart is going to explode!” Now we were both beaming! I was so happy to be staying near him, though I didn’t tell him. I still tried to keep some mystique in the relationship.
I had no idea how quickly things would be changing for me. Would I be ready?
Well…ready or not, here they came.
To be continued tomorrow…
Please tune in for the final installment!
2 comments:
I can't wait! :)
I have to admit that I was wondering what ever became of Mike. Hindsight is 20/20 and I know you are grateful that the Lord spared you that life.
Laura :)
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