December 5, 1993

I'll remember this date forever. I remember I was fifteen. I remember that I had planned a wonderful Christmas party for myself and my friends on this particular date in history. We were going to play "Taboo" and "Pictionary". I was going to make a Christmas Poke Cake for the occasion. Which, by the way, happens to be my favorite Christmas dessert! It's a two layer, white cake. After you bake it, you poke both layers all over with a fork. Then, you prepare Jell-O water and pour it over the cake. You do one layer with green Jell-O and one layer with red. Next it goes into the fridge. The Jell-O hardens, and you can then frost it with Cool Whip. It is dee-lish! I'm sure I had other items on the menu, but I cannot recall them exactly. I know that I had invited my friends, who are still my friends to this day. Bethany, Audri, Audrey (yes we had two!), Becky, Karen, and Dixie...yes. Dixie.
It is with Dixie that my story begins.

I had spent the Friday evening of December 4, 1993, with Dixie. We have known each other since I was about four and she, five. We both attended Hot Springs Baptist Temple in Hot Springs, Arkansas. (Now known as Heritage Baptist Church in Hot Springs.) My family moved to the nearby town of Benton and we lost track of each other. When I was eleven, her family began attending my home church in Benton. Our hearts were knit! However, when I was twelve, Dixie's Dad surrendered to work in evangelism. He assisted Dr. Jack Parchman in his tent meetings. That meant they would travel most of the year! I had already said goodbye to my sister when she left for college, and now, my best friend would be moving away, too! It was a dark day in my life. But the Lord used it for good. It was through Dixie that I met my husband, so I am thankful for the pain of separation. Romans 8:28 is true for even the smallest events in our lives.
Dixie was usually home for the winter. Her family lived in their camper trailer all year long to keep expenses down. They would hook up their camper to our church and attend our school. I've always loved the winter, and I think I finally see why! It meant that Dixie would be home! Dixie invited me to spend the night at her house and help me get ready for the party the next day. Because her camper wasn't large enough for one more, we "camped out" in our church nursery.
I remember we stayed up very late that night...till about midnight! We then made pallets on the floor of the church nursery. We noticed a strange smell, but it was nothing I'd ever smelled before.
"I know what natural gas smells like." I assured her. "And that isn't it, so we don't need to worry."
My family had always warned me about the dangers of natural gas. "If you smell gas, leave the house immediately. Go across the street to the Corbin's or the Logan's house and call for help. Do not turn on lights. Do not make a phone call from home. Only one tiny spark could blow the whole house up." This very thing had happened to lady and her three daughters in our town. They had all perished because the lady had turned on the light to investigate the gas leak.

No one had ever told me about carbon monoxide.

We snuggled up in our sleeping bags and went to sleep.
We slept for eight good hours.

At around eight o'clock the next morning, something awoke me with a start. I felt horrible. My head ached and I was extremely dizzy.
"Dixie. I don't feel so good. I think it's the heat." I mumbled. I got no response.
I got up, and tried to turn the heat down, thinking that I had gotten too hot.
"Dixie. Are you awake?" I asked her again. She finally moaned and stirred a little.
"I'm sick, Dixie. I think I'm gonna havta cancel my party!" I wailed.
"I feel sick, too." Dixie said. She was now propped up on one arm. "VALERIE!" She said suddenly. "It's that gas! We feel funny from whatever that gas smell was!"
"I better call my parents and go home." I said trying to head for our church office.
I got to the office, but could not remember my phone number! I sat by the phone just staring at the numbers. We were so hot. Finally, I gave up trying to think of my number and I lay down on the cool tile floor in our church lobby. Somehow, Dixie made it out to the camper. She was pale and became sick to her stomach. I felt like I was on a carousel that would never stop!
Dixie's Mom came over and helped me out to their camper. She couldn't reach my parents. I then remembered something about their saying they would be Christmas shopping in Little Rock for the morning and would see me around noon. This was the day before cell phones.
Dixie's Mom didn't know what to do. She took us to see Mrs. Parchman, who was a Registered Nurse. (Interesting fact: Mrs. Parchman helped deliver Chelsea Clinton.) I remember that we stumbled up to her front door. Mrs. Parchman, opened the door, took one look at us and said to Mrs. Ault, Dixie's Mom, "Get them to the hospital now."
Mrs. Ault took us to the Children's Hospital in Little Rock. They rushed us past an overflowing waiting room. They finally got a hold of my family to get permission to treat me. I remember the nurse had to put Mom on a speaker phone to have witnesses that Mom said they could treat me. I remember hearing the nurse say, "Okay, Mrs. Courtney, I need to ask you that one more time over the speaker phone. Do we have permission to treat your daughter....(the rest was garbled in woozy brain). Mom calmly replied. "Yes." I wanted to say, "Mom, I'm right here! Can you come up here NOW?" But, I didn't. I didn't need to. My Mom and Dad were soon by my side. What a comfort a loving Mom and Dad are!
They led us back to have blood drawn. A poor intern nurse tried seven times, unsuccessfully, to draw blood on my right arm. Another nurse finally came in and did it after only two times in my left. To this day I won't let them draw blood on my right arm! I bore bruises from that first nurse's attempts for a week.
Dixie and I stayed together through it all. We found out that it was, in fact, Carbon Monoxide poisoning. The exhaust from the heat in the nursery was not properly ventilated. Instead of escaping out doors, it came right in to our room. We were very thankful that it had happened to us, instead of a tiny infant or child! The carbon monoxide molecule replaces the oxygen molecule in your blood. This fools your body into thinking you are getting the oxygen you need, when you in fact, you are not. It is like suffocating the painless way. I had 15% of my blood replaced with the carbon monoxide. Dixie had 19%! That explained why I awoke first and easier than she. Of course, technically, neither of us should have woken on this side of Heaven. Once 25% of your blood is contaminated with carbon monoxide, you must be placed in an iron lung. Thank the Lord, neither of us were that bad. The doctors put us on oxygen, and there we remained for the entire day, into the evening. Once our blood oxygen levels were normal, they dismissed us, informing us of just how lucky we were.

But I know differently. I know it was not luck. I know exactly why I awoke that morning of December 5, 1993. I believe that it was because my guardian angel was there, shaking me until I did awake. Dixie has always been my best friend on earth. It was my very best friend, however, who took care of us both that night.

I praise the Lord for His watch-care over me. I praise the Lord for his protection on December 5, 1993.

Psalm 91:11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

So Much to Praise Him For!

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I am reminded of how much I have for which to be thankful. The Lord meets me every morning at our "spot" and we have such a good time. Some days, I talk more than He does! Other days, I am rendered speechless as I soak up His Word, or as I sit quietly and let the Holy Spirit intercede for me. (Romans 8:26)

As I look back across my life of 30 years, I see how His hand guided me and comforted me. You've already heard more than you would probably like about my Dad's homegoing. You've heard how devastating the loss was for me. But my heavenly Father was there, all the time. He cared. He comforted. There was another tragedy in my family that happened two years after Dad's death. It was a deep wound to me, my husband and children that I won't soon forget. The Lord's comforting hand was there again. He saw my tears. He felt my anguish. He proved Himself faithful again. We have been serving in full time ministry for three years, but we have always been at least part time in the Lord's work for our entire eleven year marriage. We have faced job loss (more than once), financial reversal and stress, sickness and hospital bills and even threats on our lives. Through it all, He was faithful. He never failed me. Ever.
The Lord has not only seen us through hardships, but he has also lovingly blessed and rewarded us far more than we deserve or expect. We moved, rather suddenly, here to Hope last May. The church is letting us use a very nice parsonage. It's the nicest house we've ever lived in. Not only that, but my husband and I both agree that it is exactly what we would look for in a home that we wanted to buy, if we ever had the opportunity to buy one. The church put in a new stove before we moved in and the oven has a delay timer. You can pre-set it to come on at a certain time. I've always wanted an oven like that! They put in a new washer and dryer for us because before we moved, mine had "bitten the dust"! :) In October, the ladies of the church came to me and told me that the church wanted to buy me a new dining room table. My old one had been handed down to me by some family members. I had repainted it every time we added a child. It only had four chairs with it, so we used folding chairs to get us all around it. The men of the church handed me a check and said "Go pick one out that has enough chairs for your whole family." What a blessing! I don't believe any of this is a coincidence. I believe God blesses His people. These blessings are too specific for them to "just happen". God knows us. He knows how to show love better than any human can!
He also provides for His people. We've never missed a meal. Not because we've always had a full pantry, but because God has always provided what we need.
I have lived very far away from family at different times in my life. Each time the Lord gives me a friend, or many friends. He also enables me to get to see my loved ones. Three weeks ago I found out that my older brother, who pastors in Florida, would be coming for Thanksgiving! I haven't seen his family in two years! Not only that, but my sister is coming this week, also! That is just another of God's many blessings. I love my family so much. I'm so thankful to be able to see them again.

I am not as faithful to the Lord as I need to be. I fail Him often. I am happy to tell my church family that I make lots of mistakes. I want to be honest, and real, with others. The Christian life isn't always a time of reaping blessings, but there are benefits every day. (Psalm 68:19) I am thankful that even though I do fail my Lord, He is merciful and loving to me. Even when He must correct me, He does it with love.
I could go on and on praising the the Lord for his goodness to me. I am so unworthy!
Whatever may happen, I have a reason to praise the Lord. I praise Him in the midst of trial because He is in the trial right along with me. He stands beside me. I praise Him in times of blessing because, truly, all blessings come from His hand. As an old song says, "I have so much to Praise Him for!"
Indeed, I do.

He's My Everything

Do you ever feel that serving the Lord just isn't worth it? I sometimes feel that way. It's almost as if the Devil is sitting right beside me, whispering discouraging comments in my ear. "Why do you dress that way? What good does that do? Why don't you listen to that type of music...c'mon. It'll make you feel good. Why don't you ever get to go do that! Oh, I know why! It's because you don't make enough money to do that. You're in the ministry. Don't ya ever get tired of the ministry? Why don't you take a break from it!" Before I know it, I'm discontented and unhappy and wishing my life were different.
The Holy Spirit nudges me and reminds me that of course, the Devil is lying. He wants me to give up on the Lord. He doesn't want any more souls saved, and he doesn't want me living a separated Christian life. It's important that I live a separated life, not because I'm so special, but because a Christian should be easily identified. If someone is in trouble, they need to just be able to look around and see a loving face and life lived differently to know who might be able to help them. The help a Christian offers to someone is Jesus. A Christian should be able to point others to Christ. After all, He isn't a temporary solution, His help lasts for eternity.
Today in my Bible reading, the Lord really encouraged me to keep going, even when defeat is lurking around every corner. I don't feel like I'm making much of a difference for the Lord here, but then, feelings aren't very reliable. Only the Lord truly knows the difference that you and I might be making for His cause. I can't quit, I must keep going. I can't keep going without the help of the Lord, though. He is my very best friend.
Here is what the Lord said to me today from Proverbs 15:
1. I was reminded that the Lord sees the good and the bad.
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good. (vs. 3)
2. I was reminded that when you live right, you enjoy lasting treasure. The wicked, or those who are "morally wrong", only reap trouble.
In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble. (vs.6)
3. I was reminded that no matter what "show" the wicked put on for the Lord, it means nothing to the Him. A righteous lady need only to pray to please him.
The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight. (vs.8)
4. I was reminded that I don't serve the Lord to please me, but I do out out of a heart full of love to please the One who died for me.
The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness. (vs.9)
5. I was reminded that happiness is often a choice. I can choose to look at my circumstances and be unhappy, or I can choose to look at my future in Heaven and rejoice!
All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. (vs.15)
6. I was reminded that it is better to fear the Lord than have many material goods.
Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith. (vs.16)
7. I was reminded of the love of my husband and children. I'll take that over a steak dinner any day of the week!
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
(vs. 17)
8. I was reminded that greed (this means discontentment or covetousness) will only cause me trouble!
He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live. (vs. 27)
9. Lastly, (I heard you say "oh good!"! ;] )I was reminded that I have the Lord with me at all times. That's something the wicked do not have.
The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous. (vs.29)
The Lord is not just "in the vicinity" or "somewhere close", but He's right here, right now. He was with me while the Devil was working me over. He was with me as I went to bed last night, discouraged and sad. And even better, He was waiting here this morning, in our meeting place, ready to help me today. He had prepared a meal for me, just like He did for Elijah and the disciples. He did that for me! He was waiting for me to get here so He could serve it. I'm so glad I showed up! :]
I hate it when I let Him down, and I do it quite frequently. I'm so thankful that He tenderly guides me and teaches me and all the while, He never stops loving me.
I believe I'll keep going today.
So many Christians (myself included) try to keep going in our own power, and that is futile. We need the help of the dear Lord Jesus to uphold us and fight our battles for us. I want to let Him do that!
He's that older brother, ready to protect you.
He's that friend, ready to listen.
He's that support, ready to encourage you.
He's that guide, waiting to lead you.
He's that teacher, who lovingly shows you the way.
He's the Savior, who gave His all for you.
He's everything I need.

Follow Your Heart ~

My last post was yet another exciting chapter of my love story. There is one point on which I would like to elaborate, if you don't mind. Oh thank you! I know I sometimes go on and on, so I truly appreciate your patience. :) I had wanted to go into more detail while I was writing my last post, but time did not permit it.
In that post, I told about how my parents gave me two options after I finished high school. One was to go away to Bible college. The other was to stay home, get a job and buy my own car. I chose option two. There is a little more to the story that I'd like to share now.
I had dreamed of doing big, important jobs my entire childhood. I wanted to be a lawyer, because I loved history. (Lawyers have to like history. Don't they? Well, I thought they did.)
After that, I wanted to be a writer, because I loved dreaming up stories. I loved trying to make my family cry when they read their birthday cards from me each year. I loved words, I loved being transported to "that other life" via a good book. I wanted to take others to the wonderful worlds I dreamed up. Writing seemed a good fit...then I thought, why not combine the two and write about history? So, that was my dream for a while.
Later, I wanted to teach. I spent many afternoons in an upstairs classroom waiting on my Mom to wrap things up for the day. I can still smell that chalky, sweaty smell that a classroom has at the end of the day, after hosting 130 students! I find comfort in that smell! (Much like I do in the smell of tobacco and funnel cakes. That smell reminds me of the sweet summer days I spent at Magic Springs when I was child. My parents owned a glass shop, called Glass Creations, for several years. I spent many happy days there. Ahhh. Precious memories. What? Oh! Sorry! Where was I? Yes, I remember!) Teaching seemed to be in my blood, because I was exposed to it. My Mother didn't desire to merely "get through the day with all these kids" as some teachers did. She sincerely wanted to make a difference. My brother's life's verse is Jude 22 "And of some have compassion, making a difference." I think he chose that consciously or sub-consciously because he saw this verse lived out by my Mother over and over with her students, and at home too, of course! :] I wanted to make a difference, too.
I also wanted to be a doctor for a while, and help the hurting that way. But, then I realized I fell faint at the sight of blood, so that was out. Oh, I'm not good at math, either, so pharmacology was out as well.
Other various dreams of mine included banking, becoming a librarian, and radio broadcasting. Motherhood would always be included along with these other occupational choices. It absolutely went without saying. I wanted to be a Mother, as 99.9% of women do.
At teen camp one year, however, I gave my life to the Lord. I surrendered total control to Him, to do whatever He wanted for me. If this meant being a missionary to Africa, I was in. Whatever He wanted.
I began to lose interest in my previous passions (except motherhood of course!). I no longer dreamed of becoming a lawyer, doctor, writer, or broadcaster. I even gave up the teaching idea. I basically gave up any idea that involved working outside the home. My Mother, even though she worked a secular job, encouraged me in this idea. Often I would go to my Mom and ask her to go do something and she would be unable to go due to her job. She would look at me compassionately and say "Valerie, when you get married someday, don't work outside your home." I knew what she meant. She was saying, "I hate having to put you behind my job. I hate that you have to be last." Of course, I understood. I knew my Mother loved me more than anything, even is she did miss out on some things I wanted to do. (But right now I can't remember any particular one, so they must not have been that important anyway!)
As I read my Bible, prayed and earnestly sought for God's will, it seemed to me that I should marry a preacher. (I know, what girl doesn't surrender to do that, right? Well, I was no exception!) I felt with all that was in me that I should be involved in ministry alongside my husband, whether he was a full-time pastor, or a secular employed layman. I hoped to have children, but after watching my sister wait for six years to have a baby, I didn't hold my breath. I was prepared to possibly not be able to have any at all.
The time drew near for me to apply to Bible college. Most of my friends were married, or had left our church entirely. The college my brother and sister attended was wonderful. They had fire and vision and enthusiasm. But...I didn't want to go. I had been there many times to visit them, I had loved it as a child. Now, as it was soon to be my turn to pack up and go north, I wasn't so sure. Did I want to pursue a degree in education? Did I really want to be a teacher? Or was that just an excuse to go to a "nest" of Christian young men in search of a husband? If you want a degree, and you want a mate, then Bible college is the place for you. I, however, had to be honest with myself and admit that I only wanted a mate. I asked the Lord to please send the man he had for me to our church. I thought it might be the guy I was dating at that time, but I had my doubts that it would be he. In fact, I had very little faith that God would really send my man there. This lack of faith didn't stop me from proclaiming to my friends boldly, "God could send my future husband to our church!" while inside, my faith was a mustard seed...or less!
I prayed about what to do. Do I go, or do I stay? I felt the loving pressure from my parents. They went to college. They believed strongly in being educated. I felt like I was failing them in some way, though they never once accused me of disappointing them. I had a very good relationship with my parents. I loved them, and I respected them. And they loved and respected me too, and I was just a kid! :] They respected my feelings. When I told them I wasn't too excited about going away, they understood. My Mother told me that college was a good transition from childhood to adulthood. While you're away at Bible college, you are "on your own", yet still under your parents authority. This made sense. But I still didn't have the desire to go. My Mother also told me that when God has a plan for your life, He makes you like that plan! It isn't misery! He enables you to do the task, and to find joy in it. I didn't have any joy about leaving home and heading to college. It was at this time that I was given the two options. This helped me so much. It helped me to know that my parents had given me some "wiggle room". They did not slam down the iron fist of parental authority by saying "This is what Kevin and Melanie did and this is what YOU'RE doing too!!!". Had they said this, I would have obeyed, because the Holy Spirit would not have let me disobey. But I would have had seeds of bitterness and hurt in my heart toward them that would linger to this day. I'm so thankful for option two! I'm so thankful my parents didn't "kick me out". I'm thankful that God gave me wise and loving parents! I'm thankful that they respected me, and my very unique personality, and allowed me to be... me.
I chose option two because a deacon in my church advised me to "follow my heart." Since my parents approved of my staying home, and since this is what my heart longed for, this is what I did. I stayed.
God worked everything out in a way that only He could. I thought I was staying home to continue in a relationship with the guy I was dating. I was wrong on that point. But the Lord led me every step of the way, and I gladly followed. As the path grew darker, I clung more tightly to Him. He did not fail me. He led me toward paths of light, and love, and joy.

To be continued...

Saturday Snap Shots: The Windows of Heaven Were Opened!

I wanted to post a few photos of the many material blessings God has given us during the last three weeks we've lived in Hope.

My new washer and dryer! We had planned to purchase these with the money Terry made from the sale of our 1999 Lumina, but the church wanted to buy them for us! What a blessing!
Right before we moved in, the church had to replace the stove. This is my new one! (It's the kind that you can program to come on or shut off! Isn't that neat?)
I've owned this fridge since we got married. We had $1,000 for a honeymoon back in 1998. However, our little apartment didn't have a fridge, so we had to use $600 to purchase one. Needless to say, our honeymoon wasn't what we'd planned! The fridge had an ice maker, but we didn't have a water hookup to run it. We didn't have one in any of our six other residences, either. Until now! Yes, I now have a working ice maker! And this after nearly pitching my ice container (that holds the ice) while packing up in Texas! I'm so glad I saved it! See! It's making ice!!!
This is a view from the window above my kitchen sink! That's right, folks, you heard right! I have a window over my sink! I can look out my bird feeders and my petunias and my begonia (not pictured)! I had this interesting bird at my feeder and had to snap a photo right before church one Sunday morning. Only two of our other houses had windows over the sinks; this is something I really had missed.

The Lord has given me many material blessings, which I do not deserve. As all of this was happening, I kept expecting one of our members to say "Excuse me, there's been a terrible mistake. We thought you were someone else." But so far, that hasn't happened! [sigh of relief!] Everyone here seems to like me for who I am. We sure do feel at home.
Please keep us in your prayers as we try to reach Hope for Christ.