My Love Story ~ Part Six

I appreciate those of you who have been reading and commenting on my little love story! You make my day! :) It can be difficult to recall these in events in chronological order, and to remember certain details at times. Therefore, I sometimes have to collect my thoughts before I can post. I'm sorry it has taken me a while to get it all together. To read previous chapters, please click here. It will come up backwards (go from bottom to top) but at least it's all there!
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I was shocked when Mike told me that Bumper had a girlfriend, but I was also relieved. Maybe Bumper would stop making fun of me now! Perhaps she could stand up to him, and it would actually matter to him what she thought. I knew he didn't care about what I thought; I voiced my opinion regularly, to no avail.
His girlfriend was a very sweet, innocent gal in our church. She fell madly in love with his superman-like appearance, and his confidence. That confidence thing attracted more girls that his appearance did. Especially after he wore that sleeveless flannel shirt. Trust me, I thought it then and I still think it today, it had to be his confidence. ;]
Time kept moving along. Fall gave way to winter. The crisp mornings turned into cold days. I continued working at my dream job, becoming like part of the "Landers" family. I also continued in my college classes, and in the bus ministry. I was faithful to our weekly soul winning time at church and I tried to be a better Christian in my personal devotions. I was striving for new heights in my Christian life. I was excited about the future. I wanted to believe a bright future was ahead of me. But, as I looked ahead, I couldn't see where Mike would fit. We were no longer maintaining the status quo in our relationship. Things were now heading downhill, and fast. I was scratching and clawing all the way down. I didn't want it to end. If it ended, then Bible College was a must. I would have to leave home, because...because...well. I just knew I'd have to leave home.
Besides the girl Bumper was dating, two other girls were head over heels for him as well, and they made no bones about it! I rolled my eyes at their display. Bumper loved every minute of it. He disgusted me. He was no longer confident, he was plain old conceited! Once while Mike and I were sweeping out our bus on Saturday, I saw Bumper coming along, looking like he had just rolled out of bed. I looked at Mike and said "Oh no! What is he doing? He's not coming here is he?" I watched out the window anxiously. I seriously hated the thought of running into him.
One Sunday in December, however, things started changing. Bumper came to the alter during a service in tears. He stood weeping in front of our congregation. He began to speak, but I could hardly understand his words.
"I came...to ask the church...to forgive me for not living right....away from the school."
Bro. Graham interpreted for us. "Bumper has not been living the Christian life that he knows he should. He's been a poor testimony of our church and of our college. Well, church, all in favor of forgiving him, say 'aye'"
In perfect unison, our church resoundingly said "aye".
"And I'm sure there are none opposed. We forgive Bumper, don't we church?" Bro. Graham said.
Some men said "Amen" here and there. My Dad was probably one of them.
"And we won't be talking about this will we?" Bro. Graham went on. "We shouldn't discuss this; it's over now. When we forgive someone, we don't bring it up over and over. If you have questions, just come and talk to me about it."
I sat there listening in shock. I was so naive and out of the loop. I had no idea that Bumper's sins were anything outside of the fashion police's jurisdiction! I remember hardly breathing while he spoke. I was thinking "Whew. I'm sure glad it wasn't Mike up there!"
Of course, I forgave Bumper for whatever he had been doing. I realized though, that he was not my type. I wanted to someone who wouldn't get caught up in sin like that. Although, I still didn't know what he'd done. I asked Mike about it, but he just shrugged and said he wasn't sure. I remember telling Mike that I was so impressed that Bumper was willing to stand up before the church that way. Mike said "Yeah, I know. I could never do that."

One mild winter day, one of my bus workers and I began cleaning out our bus. We chatted as we worked. She was Bumper's girlfriend. However, he had just recently told her he wanted to break up. This troubled her, as she thought they would marry. She had all but refused to end it at that point. I'd seen them together, and he didn't treat her very well. I told her she deserved better! Women everywhere deserved better than Bumper!! I wanted nothing to do with him.
"Did you see that bad scrape on his hand?" She asked me while we swept.
"Yeah, I did. That looks bad!"
"I asked him how he got it and he said he fell while he was drunk!!" She said.
"I'm not surprised! Was that before he made things right?" I asked her. I had to know if he was a phony.
"I think it was before. You know who was with him?" She asked me nonchalantly.
"No. Who?" I wasn't even looking her in the face. I was busy trying to sweep under seats.
"Mike."
The words struck me like a dart. Mike?? MIKE?? My Mike???
"No, you must be wrong. He wouldn't do that...." my voice trailed off.
The storm had broken, and it was pouring down upon me.
Mike had gone home (about an hour away) for the weekend. I decided in a nanosecond to go home and call him. I dropped my broom, asked my friend to finish up for me and left.
I slammed the door of my car and sped out of the driveway of our church. There wasn't much traffic, and that was a blessing. I drove about 75 to 80 mph most of the ten minute drive home. When I got there, the house was empty. I was angry and heart broken. I wanted to cry and fall apart, but I didn't do it. Not yet. Not until I knew the truth. I called him at his home, long distance. That was not something I did without permission, but seeing that my world was crumbling before my very eyes, I decided that it was worth whatever punishment I received.
Mike answered right away. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had to know the truth, and this time, he was gonna tell me the truth.
"Hello, Mike?"
"Hey! Whats up?" (He knew I didn't call unless something was up.)
I told him what my friend had said.
"Is it true?"
His silence spoke volumes.
"MIKE!" I yelled, "Is- it- true?" I said, emphasizing each word. "Tell me!"
"Yes." He said on an exhale.
"WHY?" I screamed into the phone at him. "What did I ever do to you but like you and care about you??? Why would you hurt me this way? You're a liar! You're a rotten jerk!" My face was red and my voice was at maximum volume.
I started crying. I became hysterical. He didn't say much. He didn't have anything to say. I don't even remember if he said he was sorry. He just took the full brunt of my anger and then hung up.
I cried all afternoon.
When my parents got home, I was sufficiently drained of all emotion. I was numb. I calmly told my Mom that Mike had been involved in alcohol.
"I guess this means you should end it." She said calmly and matter-of-fact.
"Yes. It does." I replied with a sigh.

I gave Mike his letterman jacket back after Sunday night church the following week. I broke up with him in the lobby of our church. He apologized. He even shed tears. But I held with what I knew was true. I knew I couldn't date, or marry, a liar. I knew couldn't date anyone involved with alcohol. I was a Christian. I was going to do right, as much as I possibly could...and it appeared I would be doing right, alone. I explained my position, this time without the hysterics, and then said goodbye. That was it, it was over.
I stepped out of our church building into a nearly vacant parking lot. It was a beautiful January night. I took my first step staring down at the concrete. I stopped and wrapped my winter coat around me tighter. I wanted to run back in and say "Wait!! It's okay. Don't do it again and we can stay together!" But I knew he would do it again. Didn't I deserve better than that? I told my friend that, and it was true for her. Wasn't it true for me, too? Yes! Yes, I did deserve better! God had something for me to do, and I would do it! In that moment, I found new resolve. I took a few more steps. I stopped and looked up at the beautiful night sky. I inhaled the cold night air, and thought about my Father who lovingly watched over me, and my life. The stars seemed to twinkle their applause at my stand for Christ. I felt inspired to keep going. I could do it. I could keep walking. "This is the hardest part, Valerie. After this, things will be easier. You'll see." I told myself. "You can do it!" I kept cheering myself on.
I finally made it to my car. I pulled onto the highway and headed home. It was a lonely drive, but the Lord made His presence known. Even during my heartache, I could feel Him there. I knew He was glad that I was allowing Him back into the "pilot's seat" of my life. However, I still had some lingering doubt.
Was the storm over? Would happier days come into my life? I wasn't so sure.

To be continued...

He's My Everything

Do you ever feel that serving the Lord just isn't worth it? I sometimes feel that way. It's almost as if the Devil is sitting right beside me, whispering discouraging comments in my ear. "Why do you dress that way? What good does that do? Why don't you listen to that type of music...c'mon. It'll make you feel good. Why don't you ever get to go do that! Oh, I know why! It's because you don't make enough money to do that. You're in the ministry. Don't ya ever get tired of the ministry? Why don't you take a break from it!" Before I know it, I'm discontented and unhappy and wishing my life were different.
The Holy Spirit nudges me and reminds me that of course, the Devil is lying. He wants me to give up on the Lord. He doesn't want any more souls saved, and he doesn't want me living a separated Christian life. It's important that I live a separated life, not because I'm so special, but because a Christian should be easily identified. If someone is in trouble, they need to just be able to look around and see a loving face and life lived differently to know who might be able to help them. The help a Christian offers to someone is Jesus. A Christian should be able to point others to Christ. After all, He isn't a temporary solution, His help lasts for eternity.
Today in my Bible reading, the Lord really encouraged me to keep going, even when defeat is lurking around every corner. I don't feel like I'm making much of a difference for the Lord here, but then, feelings aren't very reliable. Only the Lord truly knows the difference that you and I might be making for His cause. I can't quit, I must keep going. I can't keep going without the help of the Lord, though. He is my very best friend.
Here is what the Lord said to me today from Proverbs 15:
1. I was reminded that the Lord sees the good and the bad.
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good. (vs. 3)
2. I was reminded that when you live right, you enjoy lasting treasure. The wicked, or those who are "morally wrong", only reap trouble.
In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble. (vs.6)
3. I was reminded that no matter what "show" the wicked put on for the Lord, it means nothing to the Him. A righteous lady need only to pray to please him.
The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight. (vs.8)
4. I was reminded that I don't serve the Lord to please me, but I do out out of a heart full of love to please the One who died for me.
The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness. (vs.9)
5. I was reminded that happiness is often a choice. I can choose to look at my circumstances and be unhappy, or I can choose to look at my future in Heaven and rejoice!
All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. (vs.15)
6. I was reminded that it is better to fear the Lord than have many material goods.
Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith. (vs.16)
7. I was reminded of the love of my husband and children. I'll take that over a steak dinner any day of the week!
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
(vs. 17)
8. I was reminded that greed (this means discontentment or covetousness) will only cause me trouble!
He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live. (vs. 27)
9. Lastly, (I heard you say "oh good!"! ;] )I was reminded that I have the Lord with me at all times. That's something the wicked do not have.
The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous. (vs.29)
The Lord is not just "in the vicinity" or "somewhere close", but He's right here, right now. He was with me while the Devil was working me over. He was with me as I went to bed last night, discouraged and sad. And even better, He was waiting here this morning, in our meeting place, ready to help me today. He had prepared a meal for me, just like He did for Elijah and the disciples. He did that for me! He was waiting for me to get here so He could serve it. I'm so glad I showed up! :]
I hate it when I let Him down, and I do it quite frequently. I'm so thankful that He tenderly guides me and teaches me and all the while, He never stops loving me.
I believe I'll keep going today.
So many Christians (myself included) try to keep going in our own power, and that is futile. We need the help of the dear Lord Jesus to uphold us and fight our battles for us. I want to let Him do that!
He's that older brother, ready to protect you.
He's that friend, ready to listen.
He's that support, ready to encourage you.
He's that guide, waiting to lead you.
He's that teacher, who lovingly shows you the way.
He's the Savior, who gave His all for you.
He's everything I need.