They're Watching Me

He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
Micah 6:8

I have often heard of the Pastor’s life as being compared to living in a goldfish bowl. The fish swims around, trying to do normal “fish” things, but always under someone’s watchful eye. Even if no one is watching the fish, the potential for someone to look in at any moment is constant. So it is for a Pastor’s family. There may not be people watching all the time, but the potential is always there!
Of course, a fish is not a human. It does not have emotions like a human. It can’t feel or care that others stand and gaze at him. He cannot do “wrong” in a fish bowl! He is immune to criticism, and praise. As I sit here in our parsonage, which sits less than 500 feet from our church, I am painfully aware that they, my fellow church members, are watching me. They are watching my children. They see us at home or at play or at work. I often worry that someone might drop by and see me without makeup, or that they might see my house a mess. I worry that I've offended someone, somehow, somewhere. I worry that I’m really not cut out for this after all. I think “Lord, couldn’t you have asked my husband to be an electrician or a banker?” I worry, and then I worry more!
Just about then, however, the Lord reminds me that worry, after all, is a sin. I ask for forgiveness and try to do better, but I usually end up right back where I started. People aren’t after me. They are all really nice. Why then, do I worry?
I worry because I’m out of focus. I’m looking all around me at the people and the world, instead of looking up to Him through His precious Word and prayer. I worry when I’m not busy thinking and doing for others, for when I'm busy I cannot sit and think about myself. I worry when my priorities are out of order. For what does God require of me? Well, today’s verse sums it up:
1. Do justly, or be honest and true.
2. Love mercy, or simply be merciful to others. I must give my church family (and my own family) the benefit of a doubt.
3. Walk humbly with thy God. I must spend time with the Lord each and every day. I must keep my priorites in proper order. I must remember who I am, and how unworthy I am to be married to a Pastor – God’s highest calling for a man.
If I do these things, my worry usually fades and my priorities come clearly into focus.

Oh, and sometimes a church member has needed to drop by when, for some reason, I do not have my makeup on! I just smile warmly and help them.

And after they leave, I pray that they don’t have nightmares.

Dear Lord, I really do want to keep a clean house and yard. I want to look nice each day, and have children that honor You. I want to be good testimony. I fail so often. Please reveal to me the changes I must make, and give me the help I need to implement them. Help me to do my best, and keep my eyes on You.

My Priorities

I am so sorry I haven't posted the promised photos! I will do my best to get that done this week. I would love to show you around the wonderful house God has loaned us here in Hope. It is beautiful! We have a deck where I have a few potted flowers and some bird feeders! (I sure have missed being able to have flowers and seeing song birds!) We have five bedrooms and two bathrooms. We have a master bedroom, Laci has her own room, Lauren and Leslie share a room, Mitch has his own room and we still have a room left over for school/home office! It is a wonderful blessing! I have a window over my kitchen sink, so I can look out at the lovely green grass and the TALL pine trees!! Yay! We have trees!!! It is all so fabulous, I really can't do it justice just trying to describe it to you. I will post photos...someday! ;]

Anyway, now that we are starting over again, I have had a new opportunity to re-assess my priorities and my goals in life. I unpacked Lauren's fourth grade books and was really overwhelmed at what we will be doing this year. Well, I have to just show you.

These are only Lauren's books. I have almost as many for grading and teaching. As I looked at all of this, I realized that fourth grade would be unlike any other. I will be doing a lot of grading and checking to make sure she is getting everything completed. While Lauren does the DVDs, I'll also be teaching Mitchell myself. He will be doing first grade. My hands will be overflowing this fall!

I love working in the church ministries. They are very important to me. I enjoy what few hobbies I have, they too are enjoyable and even necessary. But my first ministry is to my family. If I lose my children to the prince of this world, what good will my church ministries be then? I will lose my credibility and my testimony by placing my children tenth in my list of priorities.Terry and I have decided to make adjustments to my life this year. I am going to be involved in several ministries at church, but I will not allow them to take over my life. They will stay in their proper place, if they start to swell and take over, then I will ask for help.
I will not be blogging as much as I did on my last blog. I really cannot afford to take valuable time from homeschooling to spend on the computer. If I live long enough, then there will come a day when I have more free time to do the things I enjoy. I will still be taking time to relax and refresh, but I hope it will be time spent with my husband! :)

If you are in the ministry, then you understand how Satan is after our children. He can literally destroy a Pastor's entire ministry by stealing his children. My husband is our leader, and he works hard to keep our family headed in the right direction. But usually, it's the Mom who spends more time with the children. The Dad must work, and Mom is there to keep the home fires burning. As I am home most of the time, it is up to me to stand guard over my children. Even if I must sacrifice what I enjoy on the altar of family. Mothers are often gentle and caring, and rightfully so! But if a Mom is to succeed for Christ today, she must also be strong and courageous. Motherhood isn't for wimps. My own mother is small in stature, but within, she is tough as steel. She can stand when others would fall. That's what I want to be.

I would appreciate your prayers as I try, more than ever before, to be the Mother that the Lord wants me to be. Pray that I can be selfless and that I'll have the wisdom I need to know how to answer my children. Please pray that I have the strength to keep going when my flesh, and the Devil, would like me to quit.